The Capes Coaching Mantra Challenge!

I want to let you in on a little secret: When it comes to maintaining balance in my life (whether dealing with my career, my relationships, or —as of recently — raising a child), I love mantras. I love coming up with one because it requires me to take stock and focus on what I really need. I love that my mantras are tailored to me and my inclinations. And most of all, I love that something so simple can have such a profound effect. Those of you who have coached with me probably already know this because I have likely encouraged you to come up with your own mantras; for those of you who are unfamiliar with them, it’s my great pleasure to introduce you.

“I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And, doggone it, people like me!” Stuart Smalley knew the benefits of a great mantra.

The original definition of the word “mantra” referred to a practice in Buddhism and Hinduism of repeating the same word or sound in order to aid concentration or meditation. It was about getting clear via simple repetition. The word eventually morphed into what many of us know it as today: a frequently repeated symbolic phrase or statement. Anyone who practices meditation may be familiar with the original definition, which is still in use today. I’m talking about the latter definition — a personally crafted phrase that holds significant symbolic meaning for its user. Throughout the years, I’ve incorporated mantras into my coaching, and I’ve seen them have a major impact on my clients — people are often surprised by how effective they can be. In fact, to show you just how much I believe that they can work, we’re going to have a Mantra Challenge and one person is going to win a career-coaching session via phone. If you’ve done the Artists In Action program, then this will be familiar to you.

Here’s the deal: for the first part, all you have to do is come up with a personal mantra that is specific to you and your needs. That’s it. Now, when I say “your needs,” I’m specifically talking about self-care and inner balance. Mantras can be used in any area of your life, but I want to focus on this arena. Of course, that arena can be quite large. As I mentioned above, there are a lot of things that can affect your inner balance — your career, your relationships, your physical/mental/emotional health. The important thing here is to think about an area of your life that’s affecting your inner balance, and target it with a mantra.

Identifying the right mantra can be incredibly powerful when it comes to changing our thought patterns and re-focusing our attention on how we want to feel. If you’re someone who loves a good mantra, then this may come easy to you. If you’re someone who has resistance to this sort of thing, I’m going to encourage you to step outside of your comfort zone and give this a try.

Keep in mind that when creating a mantra, it has to come from you and it has to resonate deeply. Your mantra can be anything you want it to be; the only requirement is that it captures the essence of what you need to hear most when it comes to your self-care. When you land on the right mantra, you’ll know, because it just fits you like a glove.

I’ll share one of my favorites that my coach passed on to me and I have since passed on to many of my clients: “I choose to trust that slowing down is the fastest way to grow my business.”

It sounds so simple, but integrating this mantra into my life has made the most amazing difference in how I work and live. It’s kept me grounded and forced me to put the brakes on when I might have otherwise just sped up and burned out. It targets something that I can have trouble with (wanting to go-go-go at all costs), and helps me see the upside of not engaging in it. When it comes to creating your personal mantra, keep it very personal. Only you know if it speaks to you, so don’t half-ass it.

Here’s another example. If you feel like there’s never enough time in one day to get things done, and you find yourself getting anxious about it, maybe your mantra could be: “I choose to trust that there is enough time to do everything I need.”

It can start with something like “I choose to trust,” but it doesn’t have to. Here are a few mantras from some past clients: “When I take time for me, I feel better,” and “My imperfection is the fuel that fires my creativity.”

Now, for the second part: Once you’ve come up with your mantra, get a blank journal and write out the mantra thirty times a day for the next thirty days.

Yep, you heard me right — thirty times a day for thirty days straight. But don’t worry, you can do this however you want. If you prefer to type it out on your computer or even your smartphone or iPad, go for it. You can knock out all thirty first thing in the morning, or you can do it throughout the day — maybe half on your lunch break and the other half before you go to bed. I don’t care when or how you do this challenge, just that you do it every day. And if for some reason you skip a day, no problem. Just make sure you double up the next day so you can stay on track.

This challenge will only work if you love your mantra, so make sure it’s the right one. I’ve given this challenge out to a handful of clients over the years, and the response has been overwhelmingly positive. I’ve seen the mantra challenge quiet my clients’ inner critics and give them a newfound sense of confidence. And oftentimes, they’ve continued practicing their mantras beyond the thirty-day challenge.

If you’re interested in joining the challenge, you will need to register here. This will let us know who’s involved, and it will hopefully give you a little extra accountability along the way. Once you’ve done the challenge, send an email to events@capesco.com with your mantra and an account of how your mantra affected you throughout the 30 days. The challenge will end at 5pm (EDT) on Wednesday, May 22nd, so you have a few extra days to come up with your mantra before you get started. We’ll pick a winner at random from all of the qualified entries, and that person will receive a free 45-minute phone-coaching session.

Once you have your mantra, we’d love for you to come back here and share it in the comments section, just to give other people some encouragement and ideas if they need them. So, good luck with the challenge, and have fun with your mantras!

Featured Artist In Action: Kat Ventura

Here we are, already two full months into 2013, and it’s time for my favorite type of blog post — another Featured Artist In Action! This time around, we’re shining the spotlight on an actress whose drive and commitment can serve as a bit of inspiration for everyone out there who feels like they’re constantly making sacrifices for their goals. Kat Ventura came to my Path Class last year with a one-year goal that seemed nearly impossible due to financial and other obstacles. But, she stayed the course, dug in her heels, and did what she had to do in order to make her dreams a reality. It’s the sort of story that makes me beam with pride and feel great about what I do. So, let’s turn things over to Kat and hear about it in her own words.

1. When you first started working with Capes Coaching, what were your goals?

My first goal was just simply finding Inner Balance! After purchasing Artists In Action, and many Mantra Challenges later…I was finally able to dig deeper and make sense of this tornado of thoughts that was brewing.

Along with my career/performing goals — there was something screaming at me: “Move to LA.”

2. What have you accomplished since then?

I have a clear plan of action!

I tried to do things in steps so I wasn’t overwhelmed. I downsized my life in NYC until I made the decision to move altogether. To help me save money, I made a sacrifice and came home to stay and enjoy my family before my LA move date. I was then able to go out to LA and check things out, audition, etc., beforehand.

I am also able to brush up on my driving skills, which were weak and very rusty!

3. What has been your biggest career challenge and how did you overcome it?

Money, dinero, scratch, paper, moolah…you get the point. We all need this for our careers; from headshots to classes to MetroCards. It’s a love/hate relationship between money and myself. We need couples therapy! I thought I would never have enough money to move. I often felt paralyzed with bills and debt. Here in NYC we work so hard and everything goes to our rent.

The Giving Challenge was a breakthrough for me; I felt great giving to others, and if I had to spend a bit of money — I didn’t even think twice. There is a flow to money, but most important I felt great giving and not panicked about my bank account. I have to remind myself of this when I start to worry about my finances.

4. What do you know now that you wish you knew when you were first starting out?

Everything is in pencil; it’s OK to erase!

I had a list of so many “goals” for myself over the years; but what I realize now is that I was making RULES for myself. When these “rules” did not happen for me…look out! I would really beat myself up and actually become depressed.

It wasn’t until 2012 that I could actually take a deep breath and say, “Ok, that did not work out like I thought. Let’s erase, smile and move forward.” As much I would love to orchestrate every detail of my life — I cannot. I have to let go and trust that my path is MY path.

5. What are you currently working on?

I’m packing! I found an apartment when I was in LA last month for meetings. I move on Feb. 20th…my one-year Path goal was March 29th. I am ahead of schedule and so proud that I stayed committed.

Once I land, I have a strategy and a new set of goals. I have no idea what will happen, and I am so happy to say that I am completely open to that!

6. Anything else you feel like sharing?

I think it is so important to shake things up for yourself and have an adventure. Get out of your comfort zone. Face a fear. The time is now!

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The first step

So, here we are: the first full week of the year, and it feels like it’s time to get moving. It’s time to kick things into gear. It’s time to…do…something. But, what, exactly? If you’re like most people, you’re ready to make a change in your life right about now. You sailed through the holidays and did your thing — you worked like a maniac to get things done before the end of the year, then you partied and celebrated, then you hopefully relaxed, and the entire time you probably had a little voice in your head reminding you that you didn’t really have to worry about anything because you were going to get serious about everything in January. Well, January’s here and with it usually comes a great, big question mark. In other words: “What do I do now??”

Batman getting clarity. He’s now likely to achieve his goals.

The first thing you do is to get clarity. This is the absolute most important step in making a plan for your career, life, etc. It will have an impact on everything that comes after it — the choices you make, the actions you take, the time and energy you spend, and the eventual results you’ll see. Clarity is key. It’s about turning your vision inside and surveying your internal landscape. It’s about understanding what’s important to you, not just in the here and now, but in the longterm future. It’s about knowing what you want BEFORE you start planning how to get it. This is not the time to make impulsive decisions — it’s the time to sit with your thoughts, to let them marinate, to give into contemplation. In doing so, you’ll raise the chances of ultimately reaching your goals because you’ll be that much more in tune with them. And, just as important, you’ll spend less time going down roads that lead to nowhere but wasted time and energy. Getting clarity will ensure that you’re working smarter, not harder.

If it sounds like I’m a stickler for this, it’s not by accident. If you’ve followed my blog for any amount of time, you likely know that I’m passionate about goal setting — I love helping people define what they want and create a plan for reaching their goals. It’s why I created The Path Class, which (if you’re unfamiliar) is a six-week class devoted to goal-setting. Goal setting is the foundation of successful careers, and I can’t tell you how many people I’ve seen completely transformed by the process of thoroughly defining what it is that they want. Once they do it, it’s something that sticks with them in the form of career (and life) tools that they can use essentially forever. Pretty powerful stuff.

In fact, just recently, I heard from a former Path student of mine who excitedly emailed me to let me know that she serendipitously connected with another Path alum (their classes were years apart) and they were now working together. What she was most excited about was finding someone who was still using the career tools taught in Path Class — they shared a similar language and were empowered in their work because they came at it through (in her words) “the strength of intention.” I love hearing these types of stories! And let me tell you, that strength of intention begins at one point — clarity.

Whether you define what it is that you want on your own or with the help of a coach or one of our Path Classes, make sure you honor yourself and your goals by giving this step the attention it deserves. In the end, it makes all the difference!

Hello 2013!

The dawn of a new year.

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday and were able to take some time to relax, reflect, and rejuvenate. 2012 is now officially behind us, but that doesn’t mean that it will stop affecting us. The changing of the year is the perfect time, symbolically, to contemplate your life experiences over the past twelve months and I’m sure that there are things both good and bad that will have an impact on how you move forward in 2013.

For many of you, large-scale events left quite the impression — Hurricane Sandy, the shooting tragedies, and the presidential election, just to name a few. Maybe you had your own personal large-scale events: a wedding, a new home, a change of career. For me, it was the birth of my daughter, Zoe, which had an impact on so many areas of my life (some anticipated, and some a complete surprise). These are the obvious game-changers — the chapter-definers that will forever stand out as major plot points in our life stories.

But, there are also the intangible game-changers; the small things (perhaps even the briefest of moments) that impact us on the most intimate level. A shift of perception; a newfound sense of clarity; a personal enlightenment that is unquantifiable. Such things are often not recognized immediately, but slowly revealed over time, eventually bringing to light a profoundness that is soul-shaking…life-altering.

I don’t know about you, but for me the Giving Challenge is a gateway to those tiniest of game-changers. I learn so much about myself that I’m truly surprised when all is said and done. What happens is that, in the end, participating in the challenge becomes one large gift…to me. It’s such a wonderful experience, and I hope that those of you who participated (in whatever capacity you could) felt something similar.

Speaking of the Giving Challenge, it’s my pleasure to announce the winners of our Challenge Giveaway:

• Shannon T. is the recipient of a 6-session private-coaching package with me
• Margaret C. is the recipient of the Artists In Action complete downloadable coaching program
• Kat V., Katja M., and Louise F. are the recipients of one private-coaching session with me

Congratulations to all of them, and a big thank you to those of you who took part in this year’s challenge — your comments and emails were truly inspiring! Once again, just because the challenge is over doesn’t mean that the giving has to stop. I encourage you all to keep it up in any way that you can. Trust me — in doing so, you’ll be consistently surprised by yourself and the world around you. It’s one small way to make 2013 a year to remember!

Goodbye 2012!

Nope, it’s not that kind of goodbye. We’ll be back in January!

Is it possible?? The 29-Day Giving Challenge ends tomorrow?? Yeesh! I don’t know about you, but this last month has flown by for me, which is somewhat of a testament to the power of this challenge — it was such a joy to do that it never felt like a chore. Pretty amazing stuff. Before I wrap up the blog for the year and head out for the holidays, I want to take a moment to recap the giveaway requirements, just so we’re all on the same page.

• If you haven’t already done so, make sure you share one of your gifts in the comments section of this blog by the end of the day tomorrow. You can do it at the bottom of any Challenge blog post (including this one), just make sure you get it in by the end of tomorrow evening.
• Email a list of all of your gifts to events@capesco.com by Tuesday, January 1st. You don’t need to go into detail for this list — a brief summary of each gift will do just fine. If you have gifts of a very personal nature, just do your best to get the idea across.
• To remain eligible to win any of the career coaching prizes, you must also submit a paragraph detailing why you think you would benefit from them. Simply include this at the bottom of your gift list email.

Sometime during the first week in January, we’re going to announce the winners of the coaching prizes.

As I did last year, I’m going to take some time over the next week to relax and reflect, and I want to encourage you to do the same. Think about not only what you learned from the Giving Challenge, but also what 2012 brought you personally and professionally. What resonated with you most? What are you most proud of? Where were you especially challenged? What lessons can you take with you into 2013? Once again, the trick here is to be open and understanding with yourself – this isn’t about regretting the mistakes you made or opportunities you missed. It’s about taking everything at face value, learning from the good and the bad, celebrating your successes, and knowing that it’s one chapter in a much larger story.

On a personal note, I just want to say that it’s been an absolute pleasure to take part in this challenge with you. As a new mother, I can tell you from experience how much the little things matter — presents are great (I’m a fan!), but since my daughter was born, the greatest gifts my husband and I have received have been a helping hand and the support of family and friends. Just reading over your comments throughout the past month has told me that you’re all discovering the same thing, and I hope that this is something that stays with all of us — being aware of how much of a difference we can make with the smallest gestures. It’s heartwarming, to say the least.

So, that’s it for me. Can’t wait to catch up with all of you in January! Enjoy the holidays and have a Happy New Year!

Generosity Everywhere!

Well, here we are a week into the Giving Challenge. How does it feel, so far? Does giving come easy to you? Is it difficult to think of something new each day? Have you noticed a shift in your daily perspective? I know — so many questions! But, that’s one of the great things about the challenge: it forces you to consider things that you might not normally think about. It is, after all, called a “challenge,” which in itself means that it should be an endeavor that pushes you and requires some bit of effort to complete.

One thing I’ve noticed from the comments coming in (great job, btw — keep ‘em coming!!) is that it seems like people are realizing just how much the little things matter. When we talk about gifts and giving, the first thing that pops into most people’s head is a physical gift. A present. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good present! And I really love finding the perfect present for someone else. But given the season, you’re going to have all kinds of practice buying and getting those types of gifts. The beautiful thing about this challenge is that it’s given people the opportunity to understand just how wide the definitions of “giving” and “gifts” truly are. The small gestures count. And often times, they count the most.

Giving someone a hand with something when they’re not expecting it. A shoulder to cry on for someone who needs the support. A kind word to show someone how much you appreciate them. Holding doors. Giving up a seat on the subway. Donating those clothes you never wear. Calling the grandparent who simply loves to hear your voice. The list goes on and on and on — there really is no limit to these small but meaningful gestures. And it’s in them that you’ll find the spirit of this challenge.

NYPD Officer Lawrence DePrimo: inspiring generosity. Photo by John Marshall Mantel for The New York Times.

By now, many of you have probably already heard the recent story of the NYPD officer who committed a random act of kindness for a homeless man on a cold night in Times Square. If you haven’t, you can read about it here (I encourage you do to so). The act itself was so heartwarming and lovely, but the unintended benefit has been the way it’s touched hundreds of thousands of people and spurred numerous acts of generosity in its wake. That’s what this is all about — giving to inspire giving. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s a circle that feeds itself and grows exponentially with each act of generosity. It’s infectious in the best possible way.

Before I head off to give my gift of the day, I want to switch gears briefly. I probably don’t have to remind you that there’s a giveaway at the end of this challenge, where you could win some fantastic career tools, including a private coaching package with me. Well, I thought it’d be great to hear from last year’s winner, Katherine, in her own words, on what the experience was like for her. Here’s what she had to say:

“A friend of mine knew I hoped to be a writer but didn’t know how to get started. He’d worked with Capes Coaching before and recommended them as a way to focus, to get support and encouragement from an expert. When I heard about the Giving Challenge, I was thrilled. The challenge itself was fun and meaningful — a way to help others during the frenetic holiday season and focus my energy in a positive way. The coaching sessions were also very useful; Betsy helped me craft a mission statement, goals, and methodology to my writing. As a coach, Betsy was knowledgeable and positive, telling me often that we could customize the sessions to fit my needs. I would absolutely recommended the Challenge to anyone — novice or expert — who needs a creative boost!”

It was a joy to work with Katherine, and I’m looking forward to working with this year’s winner. So, keep giving, make sure you comment on your gifts, and — who knows? — come January, you and I may be crafting your 2013 career plan!

Capes Coaching’s 29-Day Giving Challenge (2012)

I know, I know — it’s been a while. And, wow, a lot has happened in the meantime. On a personal level, I’m a new mom and it’s been one of the most amazing, beautiful, and — yes — tiring experiences of my life. My husband and I couldn’t have asked for a more precious gift than our daughter, Zoe, and our time with her has been an extraordinary adventure, so far. We can’t wait for everything that’s still to come.

On a larger scale, there was Hurricane Sandy, which affected my family directly, just as I’m sure it did so many of you. Being inside of a building that began flooding and lost power is scary enough, but it’s even more so when you have an infant (or two — my sister, Jodie, and her husband were with us, along with their baby daughter, Edie; both babies, I’m happy to report, were blissfully unaware of any compromising situation). We made it through safely, and the real issue became the lack of power following the storm. Those of you who experienced this know that it can really bring life into focus: you begin to understand how important certain things are that you take for granted, while other things show their true colors as pure luxuries. The upshot of such a bad situation was this: witnessing the kindness of humanity.

“What storm?” (Edie and Zoe, blissfully unaware…)

Everyday in the aftermath of the storm, I was touched by shear, selfless acts of generosity, and — even better — I know that such things occurred on a wide scale throughout the city and the other areas that were affected. Of course, it’s no surprise that tragic situations bring out the best in humankind. But here’s the best news: it can also happen any (and every) ordinary day. Proof? Our 29-Day Giving Challenge.

Last November and December, we did our first Giving Challenge and it was a resounding success. So much so that we couldn’t wait to do it again this year, which is why it gives me great pleasure to announce our 2012 29-Day Giving Challenge! For those of you who are new to the Challenge, here’s the story: the inspiration came from this NY Times article about Cami Walker, creator of the original 29-Day Giving Challenge. During a particularly difficult time in her life, Ms. Walker took the advice of her spiritual teacher to give something away each day for 29 days. During that time, she journaled daily about her experience, and by the end of the 29 days she noticed a radical shift in her emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual energy – a profound change that had an indescribable affect on her entire life. She’s been sharing her story ever since, inspiring people around the world to take up the torch and embrace their spirit of generosity. We decided to give it a go last year, and I can attest to the power of the experience. So, we’re doing it again and we want you to come along for the ride.

First, we’re going to exercise our giving muscles by giving away the following:

• One (1) 6-Session Private Coaching package (valued at $900), consisting of six 45-minute career coaching sessions with me via telephone
• One (1) Artists In Action Complete Downloadable Coaching Program (valued at $197); details of the program can be viewed here
• Three (3) Private Coaching sessions (valued at $125 a piece), consisting of one 45-minute career coaching session with me via telephone per winner

That’s right, five lucky participants who complete the challenge will win one of the above. How do you become one of the lucky five? Here are the details:

• The Capes Coaching 2012 29-Day Giving Challenge begins on Friday, November 23rd, and ends on Friday, December 21st.
• Register here to participate. (You MUST register to be eligible for the giveaway)
• Each participant gives one thing away each day for the entire 29 days. These “gifts” can take any form and can be as large or small as you like. The idea is to get creative. Physical gifts and money are obvious (and they certainly count here), but think about the less obvious ways to give: a phone call to a friend in need of support, helping someone carry their groceries, an email of encouragement, dog-walking, making dinner, texting a compliment, just listening to someone who needs it, crafting something, offering your seat on the subway/bus – there is no limit to what you can gift. If you can think it, you can do it.
• Log all of your gifts. Whether you write complete journal entries or just jot down what the gift was and who it was to, keep a log of them because this will be your proof of completing the challenge.
• If you miss a day or you begin the challenge late: don’t sweat it. We’d like you to make up for the missed days by giving multiple gifts on the remaining days of the challenge. This is where we differ from Ms. Walker’s original “rules,” and we do so because of the giveaway. But, staying in the spirit of things, we don’t want you to overthink this or to stress out about it – this whole challenge is about the spirit of giving, not the prize at the end of the road. Again, even the tiniest gestures count. Think back on your day to see if you actually gave something that you might not have been aware of in the moment.
• To remain eligible for the giveaway, you must return to this page at least once during the challenge to share with us (in the comments below) one of your gifts. We’d love for you to come back as often as you like – the more examples we get, the better. Just make sure you do it at least one time.
• Once the challenge ends on December 21st, email a list of all 29 of your gifts to events@capesco.com, along with a short paragraph detailing how you feel you would benefit from winning one of the career coaching prizes we’re giving away. We know that this is a VERY busy time for many of you, so we’re giving you an extra week to email us; however, we MUST receive your email no later than January 1st, 2012.
• Sometime during the first week of January, five eligible participants will be chosen as the recipients of the giveaway prizes (based on their emailed paragraph).

Let’s do a Cliff’s Notes version, just for the sake of simplicity:

• Challenge runs from 11/23/2012 – 12/21/2012.
• Register here.
• Give one thing away each day for 29 days.
• Log your gifts.
• If you miss a day, or come to the challenge late, make up those missed gifts during the remainder of the challenge.
• Stop by this page at least once and comment on one of your gifts.
• Email a list of your 29 gifts and a paragraph about how you feel you would benefit from a coaching package to events@capesco.com no later than 01/01/2013.
• Feel proud that you completed the challenge, and maybe you’ll hear from us during the first week of January…

As I did last year, I’m going to be blogging about my experience along the way — I just may be doing so with a baby in my lap  Again, I’d love to hear from anyone who wants to share their experience as well, so please don’t be shy – use the comments section below! And, if you know of anyone who you think would be interested in taking part in the challenge, pass along the info – the more people get involved in this, the bigger the difference!

Of course, I don’t want to head off without wishing everyone here a Happy Thanksgiving! After the last month, I remember more than ever what I’m thankful for, and having the opportunity to do this challenge, once again, with all of you is absolutely on that list. So, enjoy the holiday, remember what you’re thankful for, and get ready to start giving!

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For additional guidelines, visit the official 29-Day Giving Challenge website.