The art of waiting

On a recent coaching call, one of my clients said, “I just spend so much time waiting in this business — it’s exhausting!” and the sentiment really resonated with me. In her case, she was at an industry meet-and-greet and she waited about two hours, watching other actors get up and do their sides, before it was her turn to perform for the casting director, after which she went home and waited even longer the following day to find out if she got an audition. She said to me, “I’m getting so tired of waiting around to be seen.” It got me thinking: if every actor reading this listed in the comments how many hours they’ve spent waiting (on set, in line at auditions, after a meeting for the phone to ring, for that casting director, agent, manager, producer, writer, etc., to choose them…you get the idea), I’ll bet it would make your eyes pop out of your head Looney Tunes style.

Unfortunately, waiting is not going away — it’s an unavoidable reality. So, rather than looking at it as a nuisance, what if you looked at it as a natural part of the process? When you think about it, there are plenty of instances in life where waiting isn’t such a big deal. Like taking a bath. When you turn on the hot water and pour in the bubble bath, you know that you’re going to be waiting ten minutes before you can get in. And you accept it, because that’s part of the bathing process. So, while it may seem like a stretch to equate managing your career with getting into a steaming tub, both of them are processes — one a bit more complex than the other, but processes nonetheless. And, like anything else in life, it’s a matter of weighing the pros and cons. Waiting ten minutes for the tub to fill up is worth the wait because a hot bath is relaxing. If you disagree, then I’m guessing that you wouldn’t bother with it in the first place. So, when it comes to your career, think about what you’re ultimately waiting for. In other words, look back at your goals. If they’re strong, and you feel passionately about them, then the wait should be worth it. And if that’s the case, you need to accept that waiting as a natural and necessary part of the process, not as a nuisance. Trust me, it’ll make your life a whole not easier.

Clearly, it was worth the wait.

Now, I’m sure that there are plenty of you out there that are saying to your laptop screen, “Sure, Betsy, that all sounds very lovely and Zen. But, there’s a big difference between ten minutes and the amount of time I wait around for everything in this industry. It kills me.” And to that I say: no one said you only had to wait while you wait. So, the last thing you want to do is merely kill time by checking your Facebook wall every two minutes or playing Angry Birds until you hear something. Believe me, that will drive you crazy in the end. Instead, why not think about what else you could be doing for your career during that time. Like I always tell my clients, most of the work you do will come during what most people consider “down time.” Instead of pacing back and forth, you could update your website or resume. Maybe there are follow-up emails you need to write or contacts you’ve been meaning to get in touch with. And don’t forget about evaluating the state of your goals — things are constantly changing in your career and the industry, so why not take advantage of that waiting time and make sure your goals are in shape. The point is not to be at the mercy of someone else’s timetable — be proactive, not reactive, and harness that time spent waiting to your advantage.

Look, I know it’s not always easy. And you’re going to have your moments. In fact, just the other morning, yours truly had to remind herself of the very thing I’m writing about. When I got to work there was a line of people waiting for the elevator, and as any of you who’ve been to our offices know, those elevators can take FOREVER. I felt put out, and I might’ve even huffed out loud. But, a second later, I was laughing to myself about how ridiculous that response was, and wouldn’t you know it, I was in my office a few minutes later, doing my thing.

So, we are human. We have egos. Especially in this day and age of instant gratification, we want things to happen when it’s convenient for US. And we design our expectations accordingly, forgetting that we are not, in fact, the center of the universe. There are a WHOLE host of other people, places, and things working with us to get everything done. How about we work with all of them too? This requires that magic word – Patience. Which requires another magic word – Trust. My coach once shared a really cool mantra to me: “I choose to trust that all is unfolding perfectly. “ When I have chosen to trust this, it’s worked. No kidding.

So, the next time you find yourself waiting (which is probably sooner than later) try shifting your perspective in the moment by practicing some good old-fashioned Patience*. You might just discover that everything IS unfolding perfectly.

*”But Betsy,” you might be wondering, “HOW do I do this?” Glad you asked. It’s easy. Breathe. And then Repeat.

Are you as great as you could be?

Even The Greatest needed a coach...

“Talent is only half the equation.” That’s been our slogan for a while now and it speaks to our belief that you can have all the talent in the world, but if you don’t know how to use it then you’re only going to get halfway there. The other half is what we’ve built a company on — coaching people how to dictate the course of their future by giving them knowledge, tools, and support to turn a craft into a career. So when I came upon Dr. Atul Gawande’s New Yorker article exploring the benefits of coaching in the professional realm, I was intrigued to say the least.

Now, I’m admittedly an easy target for this kind of article, given that the subject matter is one of my life passions and I also tend to get excited whenever I find a platform to hold a conversation on the merits of coaching. But, Dr. Gawande’s article struck an unusually deep chord with me, mostly because of his provocative theory that coaching will cease to be a luxury, instead becoming a necessity in order for professionals to succeed in modern society. That’s a pretty bold statement, but I can clearly see the root of such an argument, which is that “few people can achieve or maintain their best performance on their own.” In fact, if I didn’t believe that to be true, I wouldn’t be in business as a coach (and, just to prove a point, I continue to use a coach myself).

[watch Dr. Atul Gawande compare the difference between “teaching” and “coaching”]

Many artists, at one time or another, have used the services of a coach to strengthen their craft. It seems natural, doesn’t it? Need help with monologues? An acting coach can help you with that. Want to strengthen your grasp on three-act structure? A writing coach can guide you through the process. Looking to segue from ballet to modern dance? That’s right, find yourself a coach. But what about everything outside of your craft? Are you setting goals that are in line with your ultimate career vision? Are you managing your time as efficiently as possible? Do you feel confident in your abilities as a networker? Are you able to balance your career with the rest of your life?

Those are some pretty big questions, and the truth is that there are a lot more to ask yourself when it comes to your career as an artist. My point is not to overwhelm you, but to illuminate how much there is to consider and to give you an idea of the kinds of things that coaching can help you with. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve worked with artists who had never taken the time to answer these questions for themselves, which ultimately meant that they weren’t addressing some issues that were critical to their careers (and their lives as a whole, because the two are not mutually exclusive). As a coach, it’s my job to not just ask these questions, but to help my clients learn how to naturally ask themselves these questions. Of course, the work doesn’t end once those questions are answered — in fact, the answers are just the beginning.

The majority of the work that I do with clients is exemplified in Dr. Gawande’s article, wherein he describes his coaching relationship with a peer of his who observes Dr. Gawande’s surgeries and then goes through an evaluation process after, helping identify areas that could be improved, setting goals for improvement, and discussing strategies to reach those goals. A successful coaching relationship is all about honesty — on both ends. A good coach needs to be honest about what a client can improve upon (while highlighting what is working) and the client needs to be honest with themselves about their fallibilities, which is not always an easy thing to do. But the most successful clients of mine are artists who are able to identify their weak points and are constantly striving to better themselves, in both their craft and the business side of their careers. And here’s a little secret: those who perpetually work to better themselves in all the areas of their career (not just their craft) tend to be more content and happier in their lives.

In the end, coaching is about support. It’s someone on the outside helping you do the heavy lifting by keeping you aware, providing knowledge, tools, and accountability, and pushing you to be the best version of you that you can be. It goes without saying that I truly believe in the benefits of coaching, but I’d like to hear what you have to say about it. So, if you’ve coached with me or with anyone else, I’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comments and let us know how you’ve benefitted from the coaching experience. Can’t wait to hear from you!

Networking: the elephant in the room

Between the last couple of seminars we did in New York and the one we did earlier this week here in Los Angeles, one thing is clear: artists of all kinds are struggling with networking. This is nothing new, of course. In fact, from the moment I started coaching, networking was a topic that people were tentative about. They were intimidated by the prospect of having to get out there and meet people; they were confused about the best way to make a lasting impression; and they were hesitant to engage in something that felt “dirty” to them because they had to schmooze. These concerns still rampantly exist in the artistic community, generally because most artists are predisposed to have an innate sense of craft that often comes at the expense of understanding how to get it out there into the world.

In my next blog post, I’m going to address some ways that you can get in touch with your inner networker and make the experience one that comes more naturally to you. But before I do so, I’d love to hear about your networking experiences. What aspects of networking pose a particular challenge to you? Are you having trouble figuring out where to meet people? Do you struggle with follow-ups? Does the process feel inauthentic? Whatever it is, I want to hear it.

On the flip side, where are you specifically finding success? Are you a natural people person? Do you have an efficient organization system for your contacts? Are you simply excited by the prospect of networking? Drop us a line in the comments and give us the scoop. And if you have any friends who are struggling or having a lot of success with networking, send them our way so they can share their stories with us.

Networking can be such a frustrating topic to deal with and if you find this to be true, trust me, you’re not alone. My goal is to demystify the process and help you find some light at the end of the tunnel. Hope to hear from you!